IMPRESSIONS

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MONDAY    JUNE 30, 1997

MILES	DESTINATION	AVG MPH	WEATHER	TOTAL MILES
37	CHESTER	11.4		1251

THE LAND OF POPEYE

Since most of us wanted Mark to either look at our bikes or wanted to buy something, we did not get out of Dodge as quickly as we normally do. As a matter of fact we didn’t leave until after lunch. First we went to Burger King to get some breakfast. Just as we got there it began to pour. Gave us an excise to lounge around for a while.

I had my handlebars re-taped and wheels checked out for trueness. No problems. No one else had anything wrong with their bikes, either.

Saw Dick about an hour before we left the Bike Surgeon’s. We ragged on him about his stay in the ferns and our ride in the limo. He said it rained like hell at 7 AM and he had to stay put in his tent. He also said Kurt had stayed the evening there with him. He took the limo story pretty well.

We all went to Denny’s for lunch at 1 PM and finally got going at 130. The sun came out and we baked in the humidity. So that gave us an excuse to stop in Murphysboro for ice cream. Strengthened by the snack, we confronted the hills anew. And the accompanying headwinds.

We decided to take a shortcut out of Carbondale for Chester that skirted the nastiest of hills. I felt it was well worth doing. Sometimes I wonder if Adventure Cycling put the route on the hilly stretches just for the sadistic, malicious, and gratuitous hell of it.

It was a wonderful feeling to get to the Mississippi River. We’ve entered Mark Twain country, finally. Shortly afterwards we entered Popeye’s country. By now it was 530 so Hugh and I met up with Eric, Matt, and Dennis at the pool to cool off. The park is very nice but has hills from hell all in it. Bummer. We stayed at the closest pavilion to the pool but still had to carry/push our bikes up the hill.

Got to meet Kurt’s parents and they took us in turns to Jer’s Restaurant for dinner. It was here that Matt got his nickname of "Blondie" from the waitress. We drove that poor girl crazy with our orders. One after another, just like the OJ incident several days ago, we all got pie. She thought we were nuts. First person to order was Hugh. When we saw what he got, we each ordered a piece. Again, a little humor for us, a big pain in the ass for the waitress. But we compensated her for it.

TUESDAY    JULY 1, 1997

It’s a new month! Got up at 6 and made coffee for the gang. At 730 we headed into town to do laundry, shop, go to the post Office; and have breakfast—at McD’s for their cheap pancakes, eggs, sausage, home fries, and coffee. After dropping clothes off in the laundry I went shopping, Also got a chance to visit the Popeye Museum where I bought some postcards to send to folks. Found out the town honors the creator of Popeye because many of the characters that went into the original cartoons were based on people that lived in the town.

After checking out the chickees at the pool we had a wine and cheese party. Dick brought back beer and bread but not before he blew a tire and had to walk his bike 2.5 miles back to the park. No one offered to give him a ride, either. We drank the beer, then had the wine and cheese. Also, Dennis, Dick and I drank the contents of the small bottle of Crown Royal that Sergio gave me.

Did some bike maintenance in preparation for tomorrow’s hills. Legs still hurt a bit and I continue to use sports cream on the major muscles. Seems to help a little. I suspect it’s from lactic acid build up and old age. HA!

Also close enough to listen to KSHE in St. Louis, an old station from when I was stationed in Missouri from 75 to 80. It’s 30 years old this year and still kicks ass with rock and roll music.

WEDNESDAY    JULY 2, 1997

MILES	DESTINATION	AVG MPH	WEATHER	TOTAL MILES
55	FARMINGTON, MO	10.6		1306

DOG SLAYER IS CHRISTENED and A NEAR TRAGEDY and WE LOSE OUR WAY

A VERY EVENTFUL DAY

No rest for the weary this morning. It was hot at 515 when I got up. I don’t think anybody slept well. Bustling to get out of the park in the hopes of getting to the river where it might be cooler only resulted in disappointment. It was hotter yet.

Got our pictures taken in front of the Popeye statue just before the bridge crossing into Missouri, our 4^th state. Witnessed Hugh take a bad fall off his bike soon after crossing into the state. We were on a shoulder and he tried to get on the road surface, misjudged and then tried to sidecrawl up a 3 inch curb. Big mistake! Went over hard! I was watching and thinking to myself, "he’s not going to try and ride up that curb, is he?" just as he did so. It was like a slow motion movie: he topples over, I’m right behind him, see what happened, and know that I am about to ride right over his back wheel and fall myself if I don’t take evasive action. All of this in 2 seconds or less. I barely graze his wheel and avoid catastrophe, slam to a stop, throw down my bike, and run over to see if he is OK. His helmet cracked when his head hit the pavement and his hip was grazed but otherwise he was all right. Thank God no cars were coming or he’d have been run over and killed. It shook us up badly.

All of us got to tooling down the road so oblivious of everything that we just shot by our turn-off. And a good thing we did, too! Dennis and gang were ahead so when Hugh and I got there we asked what happened. Turns out this lady who’d made the trip before saw our cohorts and stopped them to say that the way we were headed (to Perryville) was not the Trans-America trail. She then gave us directions that had us pick up County Road T and then turn onto County Road OO which would take us into Farmington. Anyone contemplating this trip should make the mistake we did. We found out later the route Adventure Cycling laid out was full of hills. We avoided most of them and had a great ride.

Unfortunately, Dick and Merle had gone ahead of us when we stopped for coffee right after getting into Missouri and so they made the correct turns. Dick said he climbed over 2600 feet today! UGLY!

For entertainment I took a picture of a dead deer along the side of the road.

I was going down the road about 12 MPH minding my own business when these three dogs came barreling out of nowhere to chase me. I was in front of Hugh by a few dozen yards and he witnessed what happened next. Here I have two dogs snarling and snapping on my left side and another doing the same on my right side. I sprayed one but either I missed or it had no effect on the beast. Just before I tried spraying him again I noticed there was a car coming the other way and thought to myself, "you son of a bitch. Hang with me for a few more seconds and I’ll have your number." No sooner said than done. He stayed with me, I nailed him again and this time he went down in the middle of the road totally unaware that a car was about to run over his ass. And it did. The driver never even stopped. I looked in my rear view mirror and saw it laying in the road. Deader than dead. Good! One less dog to chase bike riders. His companions were pretty pissed by now so I nailed another one and got away. 

It was then that I earned my trail name of "Dog Slayer."

Felt like getting a little dog emblem and putting it on my handlebar bag. Like the pilots do when they shoot down an enemy plane.

Since posting this little story I received some serious criticism for my "cruelty" in being joyous at the death of the dog.   Maybe I should have provided more details: 1.) the three dogs were big; 2.) one was a pit bull mix, one was a rotweiler, another was just "big"; 3.) I tried yelling "no" at them all. 

Now, if anyone still thinks I should have tried to dismount and continue to yell and intimidate these dogs, may I respectfully recommend you do so and if you live through it, let me know how it went?  Snarling dogs are not interested in being reasoned with. 

Outrun them?  Be real!! Dogs can run at over 20 MPH for long periods of time.  Try doing 20MPH in the hills of Missouri on a bike!!

Throw doggie treats to them?  Sure!   Good idea, Brighteyes!  What happens to the next rider that comes along and these dogs are expecting a treat, run out in the road to chase you down for one and cause a crash between either you and the dog, the dog and a car, or you and a car?

My bottom line:  dogs belong behind fences or on leashes.  Loose dogs chasing cars, kids, or bicyclists should be shot on sight.

Along the way met back up with Merle and then he popped a drive side spoke. It happened 12 miles from town so as soon as we pulled in he made arrangements to get to Crystal City on a greyhound to have it taken care of. The bus driver (really a van contracted to Greyhound) gave him assurances he could drop him off in front of the bike shop and also pick him back up later in the afternoon for a ride back. So Merle took his wheel off, left the bike in the station and we didn’t see him until 830 that evening.

Had lunch at a restaurant at the corner of OO and W67. Not a bad place to chow down. Didn’t get the name, though.

Two other notes: Farmington is the home of Huffy Bikes. How ironic that Merle pops a spoke and with as many bikes as they make they couldn’t fix his.

We also stayed at the Wilson Rozier City Park where I tried to rest and get over some nasty crotch rash that hurts like hell. The humor of the day was found in the rest room where graffiti indicated, "Amber is a dick slurping slut wannabe." We had good laughs about that for several days.

Matt bought a six pack of beer and we proceeded to corrupt Eric’s morals by allowing him to drink with us. If he’s old enough to do this ride, he should be old enough to drink a beer at the end of a hot day. Not like he was going to get drunk on one beer!

THURSDAY    JULY 3, 1997

MILES	DESTINATION	AVG MPH	WEATHER	TOTAL MILES
38	JOHNSONS SHUT-INS PARK	11.6		1344

CRETINS IN OUR MIDST and A BIG BLOW UP

Got woke up at 230 AM by the cops looking for Kurt. His mother was looking for him and we suspect he never called home after they left. So after we got up (the weather was nice and cool for a change) we went to the Day’s Inn to get him. He’d told us he wanted to ride early. Turns out he was not even up yet. Needless to say we were annoyed as we’d just lost a half hour of riding time. We felt it was very inconsiderate of him.

The weather this morning put smiles on our faces and my crotch rot seems a bit better. To be sure I made good use of the talc I bought.

Breakfast was a real treat. We rode into Doe Run and ate at the Plantation House Restaurant. (Notice the outstretched pinkies. It was the least we could do to acknowledge the fine-ness of the place!) Our waitress was named Kelly and a lot of fun to joke around with. We were kidding around about stealing the jelly packets and how tacky it would be to do so in such a nice restaurant when she came around. So we explained to her what we, as hungry bikers, are forced to do sometimes. Told her we wouldn’t here at her restaurant. She comes back with a bunch of jelly packets and also talked to the cook about our appetites. In minutes we had the largest pancakes I’ve seen at any restaurant. They were monsters! Large, fat, and filling. I could not finish mine. The coffee was also excellent and the whole meal was topped off with the knowledge we were in a classy place with a very classy interior, real tablecloths, good dishes, cups, etc. The nicest place we’ve been in so far.

We had excellent riding conditions today. The roads were quite good, the skies perfectly clear and blue, and the temperature not too hot.

So far my impressions of Missouri are those of a state with many wildflowers along the sides of the road, beautiful farms, clean roads, and inconsiderate, rude drivers. Contrast the drivers to those in Kentucky that would never blow their horn at you no matter how slow you were going. Here they blow the horn just to blow the horn.

Just before Pilot Knob, as I was making a turn getting out of a convenience store, I had the wrong foot in the stirrup for the turn I was making and promptly fell over. How embarrassing! No damage except to my pride.

As Dennis was making a left turn onto the road the Post Office parking lot was located, this guy in a Tracker was wanting to turn left into our road. He felt Dennis cut into his lane (which he didn’t) and proceeded to make rude comments. I, following right behind, heard his comments and said to him that we have just as much right to the roads as he did. He got all belligerent, jumped out of his car and started getting in my face. Fuckwit couldn’t see there were 4 of us surrounding him and kept ranting and raving. Wanted to know if we wanted to fight him and why we weren’t on this other trail in the Northern part of the state and that we were city slickers who needed to watch out because now we were in his part of the country. All I could think of was the theme song from Deliverance and how this asshole was most probably a product of inbreeding. He also swore vulgarly at us. One thing I DO know, is you do not use the word "Motherfucker" when yelling at someone. In some states those kinds of words can be considered either slander or assault. So we all kept our cool and I surreptitiously palmed my pepper spray. Bozo Boy was about to get nailed with it if he so much as laid a finger on me. Hugh got into the picture and tried to calm him down. I was just watching his eyes and it pissed him off that I stared at him. Adrenaline was high and it was at moments like this I was glad I was not packing.

Soon as he left (he had a woman passenger that said not a peep during the whole thing) I went into the Post Office and called the police to file a complaint. They already knew the asshole and said they’d talk to him. I doubt it would do any good but there was not much more I could do.

Cruised by the Elephant Rocks Park where they have huge roundish boulders scattered all over. We climbed around them and toured the park at leisure. Saw this one huge boulder 20 feet high that weighed 680 tons. 6-8-0 tons! That’s heavy.

The rest of the ride to Johnson’s Shut Ins park was pleasant and believe it or not, the road was wide and empty of traffic when I hear a car behind me blowing the horn!! I ignore him because the road ahead is clear and this moron could pull around. I stayed where I was and he pulled by, got in the center lane and turned into the park. It was the Park Ranger’s car! The gall of these people. What planet were they raised on? This is one messed up state when it comes to drivers. (As a post script to these incidents, I wrote a letter to the Governor of Missouri spelling out these issues. Have not yet received a response.)

When we pulled into the park the sign said it was full. Not unexpected as we were approaching the 4^th of July weekend. As I rode around the park, Hugh talked to one of the workers who phoned his superintendent who, in turn, let him know that hikers and bikers pay $1 to stay in the scout area. When I got back I told Hugh what I found and he told me what he found. Same thing. Great minds think alike…….and fools seldom differ! Hugh and I went to the site and awaited Dennis and the rest of the gang who were where we knew not. Eventually they showed up, too. The park, by the way, was packed! Had to do laundry as I suspect the soap I used in the other load contributed to my crotch rot. Then Eric, Matt, Dennis and I went to the Black River to do some swimming. To get to the river we had to ride this timbered boardwalk/bridge construction. It made for interesting riding because if we so much as slipped a little bit we’d be in hurt city very quickly.

The river reminded me a lot of Barton Springs in Austin, Texas. Lots of waterfalls, rushing waters, rocks to scramble over, and tons of people laid out everywhere like rag dolls. Having had all the fun I could stand, I went to shower.

It’s days like this that cause a total reversal of my attitude about this ride. I feel really good, my leg muscles do not hurt, my knees don’t bother me, the hills are not insurmountable, and the weather is beautiful. I have to admit that there seem to be more and more better days interspersed in this trip. Either that or I am getting used to the conditions. It doesn’t matter. I’d do it anyway.

I nicknamed Dennis the "Spinner" in reference to his gearing and how he spins quite a bit when he rides. Makes the hills not seem so bad, too. He’s got good gearing on his bike. We’ll see if it sticks.

As the afternoon wore on the sky clouded up and then it got dark very quickly. We scrambled into our tents in anticipation of thunderstorms but nothing happened.

Kurt and Hugh blew up at one another today. Harsh words were exchanged but we’d been expecting this starting day 2 or 3. We’d asked him to talk to Hugh and let him know things were not well but Kurt never did. I felt like I was watching a marital spat. It had all the tell tale signals: pent-up emotions, anger, misinterpretation, venting, and ignorance of situational awareness. I think I can safely say we’ve entered the "storming" phase of group dynamics and that this, too, will pass and all will be well again.

FRIDAY    JULY 4, 1997

MILES	DESTINATION	AVG MPH	WEATHER	TOTAL MILES
55	EMMINENCE	10		1399

A MOST MISERABLE DAY

What a way to celebrate the Fourth of July! First, it stormed most of the night. Lightning, thunder, rain. Fortunately I did not get wet inside the tent. Then we had to climb as if we were back in the Blue Ridge Parkway and the Appalachians by climbing 4000 feet.

The day ended up being one of the most miserable of the trip. What a contrast from yesterday’s euphoria! These Ozarks are nothing to sneeze at. And don’t let anyone tell you that if you’ve done the Appalachians, then the Ozarks will be a piece of cake. Far from it! The grades are steeper (although shorter) and some of the climbs rival the Appalachians in length. Up, down, Up, down, Up, down, Up, down. All day long.

If I had seven more days of this shit I’d quit. There! I’ve said it! It just is not fun anymore. I’m a realist and know that everyday does not have to be fun. But it does not have to be miserable, either. I am sure the memories of the experience will live long after the isolated miseries and agonies of hills from hell. The only salvation is knowing that in two or three days this will be over and we’ll be in Kansas. Maybe there I’ll bitch about the wind. But not the hills. I still think Divine Intervention has a lot to do with my enduring this as long as I have. Normally the weather is much hotter and muggier. So because it is cooler, my tolerance increases.

Got a good workout making it to Centerville for breakfast. Although the hills suck, the scenery is beautiful and rolling. We ate at the 21 Café which has a 50’s theme inside. Had a good repast.

For lunch, I’d heard about Trimmer’s Restaurant in Ellington so Hugh, Dennis, Dick and I went there. The others pressed on.

What an absolutely miserable, fucking ride today. And a very shitty way to celebrate the 4^th of July. Along the way I tried to find some flags to put on my bike but had no luck.

When Hugh and I pulled into Emminence, they were having a rodeo and other celebrations. Unfortunately, we were too tired to participate. Especially after we made our way to the campground, Harvey’s Circle B Camp. I’d called yesterday to make sure we’d have a spot and the lady I spoke with said they do not turn away bicyclists. What she failed to say was that her campground was at the bottom of a hill which required a miserable climb to get to the top of. Oh, well, that’s been our luck. It really is not a bad place for the money. It has a store, showers, and rest rooms. Being the 4^th, it was quite busy but I expected that. The C-G also does canoe rentals so we saw a procession of busses pulling trailers full of canoes and their paddlers. We also got to see drivers pull into the park totally tanked on beer and God knows what else.

SATURDAY    JULY 5, 1997

MILES	DESTINATION	AVG MPH	WEATHER	TOTAL MILES
44	HOUSTON	10.6		1443

THE DRAGON LADY

Much, much cooler this morning. I had 55 degrees on my thermometer! Downright cold spell, comparatively speaking. A beautiful day for riding and, again, a complete opposite from yesterday. Low humidity, pleasant temps, fewer hills. Only went up and down 2400 feet today.

With the exception of Hugh and myself, everyone else went to breakfast in Emminence. They claim to have been served even larger pancakes that at the Plantation House Restaurant. Amazing.

The morning started foggy and was a photographer’s dream with foggy mist invading the wooded areas we biked through. Minutes later the sun’s rays struggled to break through the mist to make the scene even more ethereal.

The bad part is we had 7 miles of hills with 5 actual hills to climb. Number three was a son of a bitch and number five was his father, even longer and steeper. Got through it but not without some moaning and groaning.

If you look for Alley Spring Restaurant you’ll find it closed for business so Hugh and I went to Harvey’s Circle B Canoe Rental in Alley Spring and had coffee with a candy bar.

While I was standing around waiting for my coffee to cool I listened in on some local’s conversation of events that transpired on the road leading to our campground last night. This guy was driving a pick up with three kids in the bed when he lost control of the vehicle. The kids got thrown out and two are in the hospital. The driver is in jail. Most likely he was drunk. I didn’t find that out but wouldn’t be surprised considering all the dumbshit things people do on holiday weekends.

Found another place I want to return to: Jack’s Fork River for canoeing.

One thing quite noticeable in these rural areas is the proud and open display of the flag. It is everywhere you go. Houses, yards, posts. Pretty patriotic folks, these.

Stopped at a café in Summersville (on the left right after the intersection in town) and had breakfast. Dennis joined us as did Merle. The one thing about riding along and getting separated from the group is that as soon as you pull into a town you just begin scanning the area for a touring bike and you’ll be reunited again. That’s happened to us on many occasions and I expect it will happen many more.

As we were moving down the road this straw stuffed figure waving its hand at us. We almost blew by when I realized it was the Dragon Lady’s house because there’s a prominent figure of a dragon, cut out of plywood, painted red, alongside the road pulling the figure on a bike. Got invited into the yard by the Mr. Dragon Lady and found out a few minutes later this woman that beeped to us along the road was Ms Dragon lady. He gave us lemonade (fresh made) and chatted with us for a while.

Their names are Peter and Phyllis Lowe.

Found out if you know you’ll be in the area and want to camp in their yard, call them before 12 and they’ll have supper for you, too. Well over 28 years ago, Peter lived in England and an American couple came to stay at his place. Then, 28 years ago, they invited him to come to the states to visit. He’s been here ever since. He’s lived in California where he met his Berkeley educated wife. After she arrived, we listened to her rant against the US government yet she retired from service with them. Odd. Biting the hand that feeds you.

They toured the US for five years in a motorhome before deciding to live in Missouri and have been here for a while. As we chatted, they allayed the fears we had about staying at the City Park in Houston. We’d heard the kids there harassed the bikers by disturbing their tents and rolling things into them. As it was, those were isolated incidents during only one year and there have been no problems since.

Well, Merle popped another spoke. Luckily it was not the drive side but we suspect he has problems with that wheel and will continue to pop them until he rebuilds the wheel. We’ll see. Fortunately Hugh had a spare spoke of the same length so he gave it to Merle. We were back on the road in little time.

Pulling into a Chinese Restaurant in Houston to get lunch I ran into another "Dick" who was going west to east and said he enjoyed hills. Masochistic, I think. Also bought more film at the Wal-Mart and weighed myself by taking down a scale, popping up on it and putting it back up on the shelf. Still weigh the same.

I stayed at the Emmett Kelly Park, named after the famous clown with the sad face, who used to live here. Also found out that tomorrow night’s park in Marshfield is named after the famous astronomer, Hubble, for which the space telescope is named. He also discovered what we now call the "big bang."

Kurt is now the third person to fall off his bike. He did a smooth move like mine---from a virtual dead stop.

SUNDAY    JULY 6, 1997

MILES	DESTINATION	AVG MPH	WEATHER	TOTAL MILES
65	MARSHFIELD	10.7		1508

THE CHRISTENING

Ate breakfast at Mom’s Kitchen, conveniently located across the street from the park. Some of the guys complained about the road noise and the snoring. Thank God I sleep soundly. Didn’t hear a bit of it.

Rode along the crest of a hill line outside Houston and it was a real treat. Farms and fields falling off both sides of the road all the way until the next ridge line in the distance. Quite a sight. Quiet, peaceful, with very little traffic and birds chirping everywhere.

Encountered a hill out of Graff from the first intersection with CR E until the second intersection with same road and it was a pain. I hate hills. Especially since we climbed 3000 feet today. Love, hate, love, hate. Seems to be the story of my relationship with every day.

Ate at LJD’s Café in Hartfield. Nice folks, good food.

After a climb out of Hartfield the rest of the day involved rollers, some of which were severe. Arrived in Marshfield and treated myself to an ice cream cone at the 4-in-1 Café.

Hugh mentioned he wants to quit the ride. Says he is too tired every morning. We may go to a 5 on 1 off schedule to finish.

The city park was nice. We had showers across the street and stayed under a pavilion. Once again, it looks like a "sleep on the picnic table" night. I’m beginning to like this business of not setting up a tent.

Rode into town, did laundry, and went grocery shopping. Now I have lots of food for several days. May even be able to save some money.

Decided since we all had trail names that my bike needed a name, too. So now she is Betty Boop! Boop Boop Dee Doop, Ooop!

BACK PEDAL

PEDAL ON TO WEEK 6

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